They're Not Nice, They're Just Trousers

Topcat - Original Sess (Police & Helicopter)

It was in the second week of his time as the Leader of the Opposition that Kenneth began to think he was in over his head. Remembering his struggle for succession, it had seemed innocent enough at the time, and while slogans such as "Feel The Warmth Of My Steel Appendages" and "Look, Arses!" cannot be found in any mainstream Political Science textbook they had certainly caused a furore amongst a bored, stupid and largely confused electorate. Keith and Geoff had done much of the spade work, as usual, whilst Clive had attended the meetings, made the Right Phonecalls at the Right Time, and had worked the strings from his palatial surroundings in deepest, darkest Messingham County. Indeed, Clive, with his army of halflings and predilection for the feel of cold, smooth steel against his soft, bruised skin, seemed an ideal Shadow Minister For Health And Safety In The Workplace After Eight O' Clock, and Kenneth had made plans for such an announcement later on the week. Of course, such an appointment would cause a stink in Westminister as it effectively delegated the responsibility of deciding the salaries of the entire civil service to Clive, who was a notorious opponent of bureaucracy and did not fit in at all well with the conformist crowd of Old Boys and New Money. Lately, his thoughts had became muffled and he had lost his usual indecisive vim, the sole preserve of all truly charismatic politicians, instead an uncharacteristic enthusiasm for deferring responsibility had settled on his lobes and dendrites like so much sand and burnt-up hash. His wine was tasting funnier and funnier and he had begun to snore loudly in the House of Commons whilst wide awake and listening to the latest batch of divorce statistics from Baden-Wuttenberg. It was midday, and just before he was due to meet with some European Minister or other to hear about the multifarious economic grievances of Portuguese fishermen over coffee and cakes, he decided to have talk about the taste of his wine with Geoff and Keith at the next available opportunity.

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