You Know Who You Are

Half Man Half Biscuit - Four Skinny Indie Kids

The engine of the yacht made a noise like ratta-tat-watta-patta-pitta-tacker-wacker-datta-data-pater-mater-father-further-foreign-fertile-frigid-fog-frog-fridge-didge-dodge-nodge-nudge-budge-pudge-podge-tubs-fubs-cubs-blubs-subs-saabs-tabs-flabs (editor's note - the remaining half of this page of the manuscript is damaged beyond meaning [Urquhart Edition, 1767c]*). It was no good, there was no safety in waiting and this was the last of it, a search for definitions that burned into the soul and wet itself all over the neighbour's cat in front of everyone at the bonfire last night. Alas, we never made it to the bonfire there was a sale on at Tesco's and we always fancied a third kitchen in that small gap between our second kitchen and the living room. The first kitchen was now pretty much treated as a hall, or, during the festive seasons, the north end was used as a cloakroom while it was a matter of seconds before the west stand became a makeshift brothel with all the legal sinkholes and mandatory escape engines such an enterprise demands. It was no surprise the eastern and southern stands would fill with spectators and it wasn't long before cannier family members would begin to charge party-goers for tickets. After a few months of this, they would go on to the streets advertising the events, and employing a huge band of street arabs to annoy the drunk unemployed. Of course, to make the whole thing legit would involve sky-high insurance premiums and it was all a bit of fun over the easter. Only with the more ambitious feasts would they ever use the first kitchen for strictly culinary purposes - its huge ovens were the talk of the town.

* Many contemporary writers have argued that this was not the case and Urquhart censored the work at this point because of the aforesaid religious climate of the times - most notably the paper by V. McIlroy and I. Montague (Glasgow: 2046b). See also A. Harvey (London: 2049a), D. Lynch (Penzance: 2048b), T. Niija (California: 2057), C. Flynn (Durham: 2054f). See also the foreword to this edition pp. 567-601 - Translator's Note.